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    Why I'm that Awkward Dinner Guest (and How I Make it Work)

    February 16, 2017 By Meagan Fikes 2 Comments

    How I personally choose to manage my gluten intolerance during social situations, eating out, and traveling without stepping on anybody's toes! | eatsomethingdelicious.com

    The Moment of Realization

    A few years ago, I made a difficult decision. It's definitely not a decision that's right for everybody but I knew it was the right thing for me. I had visited somebody's house and they wanted me to be able to eat dinner with them. We cooked the entire meal together to ensure it wasn't cross contaminated with gluten. Well, apparently it managed to get gluten in it and I spent the next month and a half not only feeling miserably sick but also trying to hide the fact that I got sick at this persons house. I told them a restaurant did it to me. I felt bad for lying but I think I did the right thing. I didn't want them to feel bad. It wasn't their fault, I just shouldn't have been cooking in a shared kitchen.

    Not long after recovering, I was visiting family in St. Louis for our Christmas party. My grandma was thoughtful enough to buy me some gluten free food so I could enjoy something similar to what everyone else had. She knew I would want to cook it myself to be safe so she set me up in their kitchen. I spent the next half hour in a crowded, chaotic kitchen trying to segregate my food from the other foods (cross contamination is a huge issue for me). I just stood there "keeping guard" over my pot of food worried somebody just trying to help would stir my food with the macaroni spoon, contaminating it.

    That's when I took a step back and realized I wasn't enjoying myself. I was stressed beyond belief. My family who I had traveled to see were off enjoying their food but more importantly - enjoying each other's company. Some of these people I only see a few times a year, if that. Both my family and I were under the illusion that I was missing out on the traditional foods I had grown up on but in reality, I just wanted to enjoy their company. Attempting to live like I did pre-diagnosis was preventing that.

    That first year after my diagnosis, I had more days where I was sick than healthy because of all the little slip ups and I knew that. Every time I put food in my mouth, it was like playing Russian roulette. I knew my luck would run out and it tended to run out fast.

    It was in that moment of realization that I made the difficult decision to put my health into my own hands. No more shared restaurants. No more cooking in shared kitchens. No more letting my friends and family cook for me then lying to them when I said I wasn't sick. If I was going to get sick, I would carry that blame - not the people I love. I needed to finally take responsibility for my own well-being, that meant taking responsibility for my food.

    Why I'm that Awkward Dinner Guest | How I personally choose to manage my gluten intolerance during social situations, eating out, and traveling without stepping on anybody's toes! | eatsomethingdelicious.com

    Letting Them Down Gently

    It was hard. It was soooo hard! As a person who loves to cook and share their creations with people they love, telling others I could no longer enjoy their cooking felt more like spewing insults than taking responsibility. I had a lot of fear that people wouldn't understand. That they would think I considered myself "too good" for their cooking or that I was some extreme fad dieter that was too hard on myself. And as someone who didn't even weigh 90 pounds at the time, sometimes even getting down to the low 80s (because I kept getting sick from gluten), "extreme dieter" was a label that was all too easy to attain.

    I knew I had to be honest. I explained how people who didn't have to cater to my needs were trying their hardest but just couldn't prepare safe food for me. I explained how often I was getting sick and how less often I was healthy. That I had started experiencing more fear than pleasure while sitting down to eat. That one delicious meal or being a "polite guest" wasn't worth five to six weeks of terrible sickness.

    I also made it clear that I wasn't targeting them. My decision applied to everybody. Nobody was being singled out.

    The other important thing was that there couldn't be exceptions. That sounds harsh but from a social-perspective, it's smart. I couldn't decide I trusted one person's cooking then decline someone else's. I couldn't eat somebody's dinner one day but not the next day when I felt it wasn't safe. That's how people's feelings get hurt. They no longer feel trusted or that they're being scrutinized and that's not a good feeling. I've even been to a party when I told somebody, "Yes, I believe you did make that safely. However, I'm sorry I can't eat any of it because it might hurt other people's feelings who also made food." Exceptions complicate things and people just wanting to help go to great lengths to get in your exception window only to be disappointed, angry, or jealous when they don't make it. I truly believe not making exceptions was the way to go for me personally.

    Why I'm that Awkward Dinner Guest | How I personally choose to manage my gluten intolerance during social situations, eating out, and traveling without stepping on anybody's toes! | eatsomethingdelicious.com

    I was blown away by how understanding most people were of my decision. There were definitely times when I felt guilty and selfish so it helped to have that support. Regardless, I still hear from people "My friend is gluten intolerant too and she's never gotten sick at that restaurant. Why can't you eat there?" or "My cousin has celiac disease and cheats on occasion. He just gets a little belly ache. A little gluten won't hurt you".

    I hope I'm staying the obvious but we are all different. Gluten intolerance and other food sensitivities affect us all differently and we all have different ways of making it work with our unique lives. By no means do I think everyone should handle their situation the way I choose to. It may work for some but for others it may be too strict or too relaxed. We just have to figure out what's best for ourselves personally and do that.

    Making it Work While Minimizing Awkwardness

    Eating only food I made myself or was made in a dedicated gluten-free kitchen is no easy task but it does get easier with time.

    The biggest hurdle was seeing how other people react and learning to appropriately respond. As much as this was about making myself safe and comfortable, I had to  make sure I wasn't making other people uncomfortable at the same time.

    Most of us view eating as something than can be a social activity. There are also people that feel uncomfortable eating in the presence of somebody who is not eating. Even if they offered food to somebody who declined, they may still feel awkward for reasons I'm honestly unsure of. Growing up, I was taught that accepting food, drink, or other hospitalities is the polite thing to do because it makes the host happy that they could do something nice for you.

    To address these issues, the best thing I could do was bring my own food at any sort of food-centered gathering as opposed to the easier option of eating ahead of time. I've learned to try to bring something similar to what others will be eating or people will worry that I'm missing out. Let's face it, showing up to a barbecue with a pb&j would undoubtedly make people feel sorry for me. But there's no reason for anybody to feel sorry for me because I'm not missing out on anything! I've found what works for me and I enjoy immensely delicious food every day that really isn't that different from what everyone else eats. When I can show people that, it definitely seems to make people not only comfortable but there sometimes seems to be a mindset shift about what people like myself can enjoy.

    Planning ahead is key. In the beginning, carrying a variety of snacks to satisfy any craving that might hit (savory, salty, sweet, etc) helped a lot and prevented me from making a hunger-driven decision that I'd later regret.

    Taking my own food to restaurants sounds daunting but it's not bad at all! I call ahead and explain that I'll need to bring a single container with a meal from home so I can safely enjoy a meal out with friends or family. Once they say that's ok (they always do), I tell them when I'll be there, how big my group is (so they know what to expect), and ask that they let the staff that will be working during that time be notified of my situation to eliminate any confusion. The last thing I'd want to do is show up to a restaurant out of the blue, put the server on the spot in front of my group, and request that I bring outside food into the restaurant. It would likely make my group feel pretty awkward too.

    Once I get to the restaurant, I always quietly remind the server of my situation in case they weren't notified. I do this before sitting down because announcing that across the table would, once again, put the server on the spot and draw everyone's attention to my situation. I do my best to minimize the abnormality of my situation and keep things feeling like a regular night out.

    It's not that different if I'm with coworkers either. By now, everyone knows my situation now and if somebody new tags along, I send them a quick IM ahead of time letting them know I'll be bringing my own food and that they shouldn't feel awkward. I definitely don't want them sitting at the table wondering what's going on but scared to seem rude by asking. If I'm out with coworkers, I definitely want to keep the conversation on more important topics anyways.

    Traveling can be manageable too. If I'm going someplace I can drive to in a few hours, I'll pack up a cooler with snacks and meals I've prepared ahead of time.

    If I have to take a longer trip or fly somewhere, I'll do more planning in advance. I'll aim to stay somewhere with at least a fridge and microwave, if not a small kitchen. I'll also look online for nearby grocery stores and set aside time on my first day of the trip to pick up some items. I always go with a list of things I'd like to buy that will be simple to prepare and easy to eat on the go. Packing my own Tupperware, utensils, and dry snacks helps too.

    All of this might make it seem like I live a stressful, high maintenance life completely centered around my gluten intolerance but in reality, my dietary restrictions don't even cross my mind on most days. If you think about it, the majority of the time, I'm not traveling or eating out. I'm usually just eating my favorite meals in my own home or at my desk at work, just like any other person. I don't buy or cook anything unsafe for me to eat so deciding what to eat on a typical day takes no more effort for me than it would for the average person eating at home.

    As I said, none of this is meant to be advice for anyone. I'm not trying to convince anyone to live this way. We all have to figure out what's best for our health and lifestyles and do that. I know there are plenty of people in the celiac, gluten intolerant, and food allergy communities who have made the same choice as I have and I really don't think it's talked about enough. Making that choice can feel isolating or like we're overreacting when everyone else seems to handle their food sensitivities "so easily". We can't let it be about that and need to be confident that whatever we choose is right for us personally.

    I would be very interested in hearing how you handle any food sensitivities or allergies you might have or if you've discovered any good tips my other readers might benefit from. If so, leave your thoughts in the comments below or you may email me privately using my contact form.

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    Reader Interactions

    Comments

    1. Robin

      April 07, 2017 at 6:30 am

      Beautifully written and Perfectly explained! Thank you for sharing this!

      Reply
      • Meagan Fikes

        April 07, 2017 at 11:26 am

        Thanks so much, Robin!

        Reply

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    About Meagan

    About Meagan

    I started out with a passion for creating unique recipes and decorating cakes. In June of 2012, I discovered I was not only severely gluten intolerant but also, many of the foods I was eating I simply couldn't include in my diet anymore. Fortunately, my love for trying new recipes, ingredients, and cooking methods made re-learning how to cook seem more like a fun challenge than an unfortunate circumstance. I'm so happy to say that my dietary restrictions haven't stopped me from doing what I love. I hope you enjoy these recipes as much as I do.

    Some links on this site are affiliate links which means that if you make a purchase at one of these links, I may receive a small commission at no additional cost to you. I only link to products and services I personally recommend and believe will benefit my readers. These links help to cover some of my blogging expenses. I appreciate your support!

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    I was going to write some jokes about logging but I was going to write some jokes about logging but you wooden get them. Because they’re super dumb. Ok, I’ll share anyway.
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How do lumberjacks find a missing exponent?
By using LOGarithms
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What did the lumberjack wear to work on casual Friday?
His favorite Tree-shirt
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When is the most stressful time of year for a tree?
Sept-timber
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I told you they were bad, right? 😅 Cut me some slack, they were for a kids birthday party. Oh, and I have more…
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Why did the logger get a gym membership?
He wanted to get lumber jacked 💪
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Why couldn’t the tree answer the riddle?
He was stumped
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What kind of beer do lumberjacks drink?
Loggers 🍻
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Why did the logger have back pain?
He didn’t have enough lumber support
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Embarrassingly enough, I have a bunch more but I’ll save them for a project in a later blog post. For now, I just have the cake.
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This is a 2 part, absolutely massive blog post on making this logging scene cake from start to finish. The cake is chocolate and vanilla layers with cookies & cream filling. And as always, gluten free and dairy free.
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The recipe is at the link in my profile
👉@eatsomethingdelicious
Thanks for chopping by 👋
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#glutenfree #dairyfree #dessert #foodallergies #celiac #glutenintolerant #eatsomethingdelicious #cakedecorating #foodbloggerpro #cake
    Big news: I cleaned my house the other day 😅 Bu Big news: I cleaned my house the other day 😅 But seriously, it’s amazing how much having a clean space can help. My energy levels are completely uncalled for considering we’re well beyond a month of Erika barely sleeping at night and at least one family member dealing with a cold. I’m so tired of snot 😩 And being responsible for 3 peoples noses. We’re trying to graduate one nose to self-care but apparently the art of nose blowing takes a lot more boxes of tissues to master. We’ll get there.
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Ok enough gross stuff. My finally clean again space has made me so much more focused and motivated to get things done. I’ve burned through most of my work to-do list and made it to the fun stuff that I don’t have to do but just want to. And since I was at that point, I decided to do something for myself by working on my blog. And I went a little overboard by working on 5 blog posts at once. I probably won’t get through them all but I have 3 ready so far.
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This first post is a 30 minute ground beef stroganoff that I made almost 3 years ago. I didn’t do a great job writing down the recipe so I wasn’t able to post it until I figured out what I forgot to write down. Figured it out the other day and it was so good!
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You can get the recipe at the link in my profile
👉@eatsomethingdelicious
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#glutenfree #dairyfree #celiac #eatsomethingdelicious #30minutemeals #foodallergies #foodbloggerpro #glutenintolerant
    Not really a new recipe but I shared my sons 4th b Not really a new recipe but I shared my sons 4th birthday cake on the blog today. Also wrote a recap on everything that’s been going on for the past year since I would normally write about it in my blog posts but haven’t written anything! I don’t know when I’ll be back on there. I’ve only had time for site maintenance and I really miss blogging but I’ll be back on once things slow down. The link to the new post is in my profile!
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#glutenfree #dairyfree #cakedecorating #foodallergies #celiacdisease
    I almost didn’t make this into a casserole becau I almost didn’t make this into a casserole because the sauce and pasta combined made a delicious side dish on their own! @beldolcefood #sponsored my most recent blog post and provided me with their new gluten free fusilli and penne to try out. I used the fusilli in this recipe and the sauce is a creamy, cheesy enchilada sauce made from just 3 ingredients.
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I ended up adding taco meat, fire roasted tomatoes, corn, black beans, and dairy free cheese to make a taco noodle casserole. Then we ate it all and I made it again! This is one of those recipes that will be going in our regular meal rotation.
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This is a pretty versatile recipe. It can be made vegan just by leaving out the meat and it’s just as good. And as I said earlier, the pasta with just the sauce makes a really good side dish. You can also top it with whatever you like such as cilantro, jalapeños, sour cream, scallions, or salsa.
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The recipe and details on @beldolcefood new gluten free pasta is linked in my profile:
@eatsomethingdelicious
Let me know if you try it!
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#glutenfree #dairyfree #glutenfreefacility #pasta #casserole #beldolce #foodallergies #f52grams #foodbloggerpro #celiac #glutenintolerant #eatsomethingdelicious
    I’ll just say it - I’m one of those bloggers t I’ll just say it - I’m one of those bloggers that makes cakes for their blogs “birthdays”. Or uses the blog birthdays as an excuse to make yet another cake recipe....yeah, that’s probably more accurate.
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Definitely felt like I needed a good excuse for this one because it’s my fifth variation of gooey butter cake! However, my site is seven years old so maybe I should have had seven gooey butter cakes ready to go? Guess I’d better get caught up before year eight 😉
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Anyways, I really enjoyed this carrot cake variation of gooey butter cake. The cake layer/crust swaps out the yellow cake mix with spice cake mix and I added in some shredded carrots and raisins. I kept the “gooey” top layer the same except that I topped it with a sprinkle of cinnamon and additional raisins before baking.
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If you want to try the recipe, the link is in my profile: @eatsomethingdelicious
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#gooeybuttercake #foodallergies #glutenfree #dairyfree #foodbloggerpro #baking #celiac #f52grams #f52sweets #glutenintolerant #carrotcake
#glutenfreelife #eatsomethingdelicious
    Here are a few last minute treat ideas! The carame Here are a few last minute treat ideas! The caramel stuffed crispy rice treats recipe is written below. The other recipes (gooey butter cookies, salted caramel turtles, and pumpkin snickerdoodles) can be found at the link in my bio!
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CARAMEL STUFFED CRISPY RICE TREATS
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INGREDIENTS
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• ¼ C dairy free butter, divided
• 4 C mini marshmallows (regular and vegan both work), divided
• 6 C gluten free rice cereal *see notes*
• 1 tsp vanilla extract, divided
• 10-11 oz dairy free chewy caramels
• 11.25 oz can sweetened condensed coconut milk
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DIRECTIONS
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1. Melt 2 tablespoons of the dairy free butter in a medium sauce pan over medium-low heat. Add 2 cups of marshmallows and stir until they are melted with no lumps.
2. Remove from heat and stir in ½ tsp of vanilla then gently fold in 3 cups of cereal until it is well-combined with the marshmallows.
3. Using wet hands, press this mixture evenly into the bottom of a 7x11 inch casserole dish and set aside.
4. Unwrap the caramels and add them along with the sweetened condensed coconut milk to a small saucepan over medium-low heat. Stir often to avoid burning. Once this has turned to a completely smooth sauce, pour over the cereal layer.
5. Make your top cereal layer by repeating steps 1 and 2. Distribute this evenly over the caramel layer and pat down with wet hands.
6. Once the treats have cooled down, they will firm up and hold their shape when cut. Cut into squares and serve.
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NOTES
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• Potential allergens contained in this recipe may vary due to brands of ingredients used, product reformulations, etc. Please verify that all your ingredients are safe for you to consume and always be mindful of allergen cross contamination while cooking.
• Double check that the cereal you use is gluten free. At least one brand carries 2 different versions of rice cereal and only one is GF.
• Don't make both cereal layers in one large batch then divide it up. The top layer will cool and firm up before you can layer it on which will make the caramel seep out when you press it down.
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